just revisiting this topic as i stated in the opening on a previous thread i do like to see a FEW marks on mrs treks ample boobs however i like it when I have made them so it occured to me what hapens if someone plays with your sub and marks them badly obviously a good talk is in order but do you deny the dom/domme from playing again with your property or give them the benefit of the doubt ? has this happend to anyone before ? maybe you would like to share how you delt with it

I'm fairly strict on this one. With a girlfriend who is also my sub, I decide who she can play with,so if I've allowed someone who I know leaves marks to play with her, then I'll accept responsibility for those marks.

If the girlfriend is for whatever reason not my sub (she's chosen not to be for example), she is free to go and play with whomever she wants, but she needs to have consequential awareness. There are a select few doms I wouldn't want her to play with, so if she does she may well not have a boyfriend afterwards, but the choice is hers to make, not mine. Also, if my girlfriend chooses to play with someone else who leaves severe marks, then it's best she stays out of my way until they've cleared.

In both cases, she is made fully clear of that position beforehand and can make an informed choice..

To put a slightly different viewpoint:

I have played with people in the past (as in with the couple, most usually sub male and female dominant) and have always been sure to check with the Domme at all points that they are happy with what I am doing.

This play has sometimes resulted in some bruising, welts and some have lasted for soem time - although it was all consensual there have been times when the Domme has come back to me later and said she was sad at how heavy the session was. There wasn't any blame mind, and I think she could well have felt the same way if I hadn't been involved - but perhaps it's added an element of guilt that wouldn't have been there otherwise. And i haven't ever been involved in this kind of scenario and then not been invited to play with the same couple again, so i assume I am doing something right!



I've always deferred in this kind of play on the basis that if the other two are a couple, the Domme will be pretty sure of what they do or don't want. Plus (spank me if I'm wrong,) it means I don't check with the sub myself and it adds a dimension to the play that can make them feel as if I don't care about them or thier wants at all. In fact I sometimes whisper that to them in the middle - but only knowing I've squared it all off with the mistress first so it isn't really soemthing unwanted.

There will always be a risk of marking, I know its often said that most people can flog or spank for example without marking (myself included) marks are very easily avoidable, but there is always the risk of the person subbing marking very easily for example if they use a new toy, Yes by all means address it with the person who was Dom at the time, ask what happened and why there are such marks, conversation is good and discussions like these can be good learning points but unless you can prove they purposefully caused the marks to annoy you, is it worth the heated debate that could ensue

If the marks were accidental and not that bad then i would explain to the Dom/me i was not happy and i would request they were more careful.

If it happened a second time after i had made it clear i was not happy then i would take it as an insult to me and i would not allow the Dom/me to play with my sub again.
Respect is important and if a Dom/me is not looking after my sub the way i want her/him looked after then i would take it as a lack of respect to both myself and my sub.

I am talking serious marks to stop play though not just the odd little bruise that can happen during a sub struggle.

I guess it's time to 'fess up to being the Dom in question here and was working with a new kandoo stick with the bands most of the way towards the bottom of the rod. I was not being particularly "energetic" or forceful, more so because this device was new to me and I wanted to work my way into it all. The marks were indeed accidental, but I understand that they were rather substantially more than little marks. I of course stopped play as soon as I noticed anything was at all wrong, but for whatever reason this was not enough to prevent the bruises spreading.

I am not using this as an excuse, but I understand that certain circumstances in a woman's life can make her more vulnerable to bruising and/or can make bruising worse when it occurs.

I personally was very shocked at the speed with which the bruises appeared and with how bad they reportedly became. It has been a massive knock to my confidence, though of course it must be even worse for the other two people involved

I want to again apologise not only to the two people involved, but also to the community at large. It seems that I still have a hell of a lot to learn. I am at least temporarily removing myself from any play until I understand more how this happened and how I can prevent it in the future. If anyone feels particularly helpful maybe we can have a conversation.

It didn't come across as a thread that was pointed at anyone in particular I have to say.

It is easy to be heavy-handed - especially at the beginning. People bruise differently too, so sometimes the bruises or welts don't come up until much later. Just think of skin and sunbathing - we all tan at different rates and in different ways, it's not all down to melatonin, it also involves fat levels, health - as you say, preious history. I tan well - but if I sunbathe, nothing seems to happen until about 8 or 9 that night and then oh boy do I know about it!

Having said that, if you are at the beginning of your journey, maybe you would find it useful to dual play (like I have described above). I know you might find this limiting but it could be useful to get to know your way around different equipment, how people behave, as well as what you like to use. I'm sure it would also restore yourconfidence. You are doing something right if you are stopping to think about it rather than just carry on and not care, so don't give up you will make a fine Dom.

I surprised myself early on thinking I would like riding crops and canes. (In fact I was way too heavy-handed with a crop, mis-hit, and caught a guy on the balls and he nearly passed out). What I find I like is the more "thuddy" implements, and I love a heavy flogger that makes a satisfying thwack

I don't think there was any reason to "fess up". It is between you and the others concerned.
Very good idea of Xenas to co-play while you are learning.
We all have had to learn from mistakes we have made (and are all still learning now) but if you are playing with someone who can not be marked (for whatever reason) you must be so much more carefull. Better to have a session where you felt you could have went further once it ended and know that for next time, than go too far and there not be a next time.